😂 Funny School Poems KS2: Laughter in the Classroom ✍️
🌟 Why Use Funny Poems in KS2?
Humour is one of the best ways to unlock creativity. When children laugh, they relax — and when they relax, they’re far more willing to have a go at writing and performing.
Funny school poems are perfect for KS2 because:
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They encourage children to play with language without fear of “getting it wrong.”
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They’re instantly relatable — every child knows teachers, lessons, staffrooms, homework!
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They work brilliantly as performance poetry — silly actions, funny voices, and comic timing.
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They show pupils that poetry can be cheeky, exaggerated, and fun.
👉 In my Poetry Days, funny school poems always get the biggest laughs and the loudest cheers. They break down barriers, get reluctant writers involved, and give children the confidence to share their own ideas.
📅 You can book me for:
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In-person Poetry Days across the UK
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Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
📝 Funny School Poems for KS2
1. What Do the Teachers Do When They Go Home? 🏡
pose in the mirror for over an hour?
pretend they’re a rock star in the shower?
do their marking until half past ten?
get up 6am and do it all again?
shout at their children and send them up to bed?
balance the remote control on their head?
rifle through the fridge for something to scoff?
tell everybody to turn the LIGHTS OFF?
lie in the bath blowing round the foam?
What do the teachers do when they go home?
sometime open a bottle of wine?
spend all their money on Amazon Prime?
think they are the greatest cook the world has ever seen?
put on their finest dress and pretend to be the Queen?
think about school and how they could improve?
put on the radio to get into the groove?
talk to Alexa as though she is their friend?
drive their poor husbands/ wives completely round the bend?
sit there endlessly scrolling on their phone?
What do the teachers do when they go home?
watch the news and start to scream?
raid the fridge for some ice cream?
go on Facebook for a chat?
sit stroking their pet cat?
do their jobs and then complain
That they’re doing all the chores again?
wear a fluffy dressing gown?
love to turn that heating down?
Do they cry and whimper on their own?
What do the teachers do when they go home?
play games and have to be the winner?
burn the toast and spoil their dinner?
DIY til it goes wrong?
vacuum clean and sing a song?
wash the socks and iron shirts?
threaten to take away dessert?
mop the floors and clean up grime?
dress as Batman fighting crime?
dream of holidaying out in Rome?
What do the teachers do when they go home?
💡 Activity idea: Pupils create their own “What do the teachers do…?” verses, imagining teachers doing silly or surprising things at home. Extension: flip it to “What do the children do when they get home?” and compare.
2. I Know What They Do in the Staffroom! ☕
I saw them in the staffroom
They were sat there drinking tea,
I heard what they were saying
But they didn’t notice me.
If I tell you what I saw there
You must swear you will not tell,
Of all the things the teachers do,
Before they hear the bell!
They tell stories to each other
And then laugh until they’re sick,
They keep naughty children in a cage
And they poke them with a STICK!
They say things about the head
That really aren’t so very kind,
(While sitting smoking cigarettes
And drinking beer and wine!)
They stuff themselves with sandwiches
And nuts and chocolate cake,
They sit there marking books while shouting
“Ha! Ha! Look at this mistake!”
And when they hear the bell again
You’ll hear the teachers moan,
That they’ll have to leave their friends
And “…face those little brats alone!”
And if you don’t believe of all
The things they say and do,
Go and hide behind their door
And you will see that it is TRUE!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils imagine their own “secret staffroom” antics — from karaoke to water fights to roller-skating contests. Each child writes a verse, then combine into a whole-class poem.
3. My Teacher Is a Model… Yeh! 💃
Lesson plan done in Milan
Christian Dior on the corridor
Prada Diesel as she works that easel
Playground duty shakes that booty!
Sprays Chanel as she rings that bell
Got maths to do with Jimmy Choo
Catwalk dreams on Microsoft Teams
DKNY she’s on supply!
My teacher is a model yeh!
My teacher is a model yeh!
Burberry in the library
Got those slacks from TK Max
Gucci flair as she flicks that hair
Assembly line with Calvin Klein!
Bright red lipstick as gives out PritStick
Faraway look as she marks your book
See you later as she works that stapler
New York City! She’s so pretty!
My teacher is a model yeh!
My teacher is a model yeh!
Professional manner Dolce & Gabbana
Owns that room as she works on Zoom
Marking pen from Ralph Lauren
Turns that folder classroom smoulder!
Lunchtime sarnie made by Armani
Online workin’ Dorothy Perkin
Lipstick gloss by Hugo Boss
Primark style on that homework pile
My teacher is a model yeh!
My teacher is a model yeh!
Book shelf lover Vogue front cover
OFSTED inspection by French Connection
She’ll give you a maths test in a Marks and Spencer Dress
She does the register with a pen made by La Croix
My teacher is a model yeh!
My teacher is a model yeh!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils write a poem exaggerating their teacher as a celebrity, superhero, or sports star. Encourage performance with catwalk struts, poses, or props.
4. Miss Julio – The Teacher Who Is Kinda Cool You Know 😎
The way that she gives that test
And the way that she wears that dress
The way that she spins her chair
And the way that she flicks around her hair
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Miss Julio is cool!
The way that she marks those books
And the way that she gives you looks
The way that she holds that pen
And the way that she drives you round the bend
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Miss Julio is cool!
The way that she shakes her head
And the way she works that pencil lead
The way that she gives you a tick
And the way that she makes that Pritstick stick!
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Miss Julio is cool!
The way that she checks her phone
The way that she sends your homework home
The way that she thinks she’s boss
The way that she gets so very cross
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Miss Julio is cool!
The way that she makes us write
And the way the that stop those fights
The waft of her perfume smell
And the way that she rings that dinner bell
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Who’s Cool? (She’s Cool…)
Miss Julio is cool!
💡 Activity idea: Turn this into a rap performance with call-and-response. Half the class chants “Who’s Cool?” and the other half replies “She’s Cool!” Challenge: write verses for a new “cool” or “uncool” teacher character.
5. Mr Granville – The Teacher Who Is Always Ill 🤒
A boil on his back the size of an egg
He recently recovered from his fifth broken leg
He was off for a month with a
Varicose vein
Sometimes we think we won’t see him again
Shingles, arthritis
Bird flu and gout
It’s a wonder he’s ever allowed to
Go out
Lockjaw and leprosy
Malaria, lice
Conjunctivitis
He’s picked that up twice
Our school trip was ruined
By his asthma attack
He went to the doctor
And never came back
Diphtheria, cholera, appendix that burst
TB and tapeworm
The poor man is cursed
The symptoms are vicious
The prognosis dire
Mr Granville is hopeless
He needs to retire…
💡 Activity idea: Pupils invent their own “exaggerated teacher” poems — Mr Clumsy, Miss Forgetful, or Mrs Always Late. Perform them as mini-character sketches.
6. Mr Slattery – The Teacher Who Won the Lottery 💰
Pink gin, toothy grin, thrown his diary in the bin
Mr Slattery’s LOTTERY WIN!
Gold plate, came in late, walking tall and lost some weight
Mr Slattery’s LOOKING GREAT!
New suit, lots of loot got a new wife that’s very cute
Mr Slattery’s COCK A HOOP!
Smart guy, hair dyed, lots of stuff that he can buy
Mr Slattery’s FLYING HIGH!
Teeth white, up all night, booked first class on every flight
Mr Slattery’s FUTURE’S BRIGHT!
Coiffed hair, funky flare, primary school’s new millionaire
Mr Slattery DOESN’T CARE!
Cloud nine, holiday time case upon case of fancy wine
Mr Slattery’s JUST RESIGNED!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils write a “what if” poem — what if my teacher won the lottery, became a pop star, or turned into a famous footballer? Great for imagination and performance.
🎉 Extra Funny Poetry Activities
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Homework Horrors – Write silly excuses for why homework isn’t done.
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School Disaster Poems – “What if the headteacher turned into a dragon?”
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Dinner Lady Dance – Imagine lunchtime staff bursting into a conga line.
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Rap Battles – Create school-life raps to perform in groups.
👩🏫 Teacher Notes
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Curriculum links: English (poetic forms, humour, rhyme, performance), Drama (choral speaking, characterisation), PSHE (school life).
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Differentiation: Provide line starters (“What if…”) for support; extend challenge by writing parody verses.
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Engagement: Humour ensures laughter, confidence, and full participation — even from reluctant writers.
🌟 Final Thought
Funny school poems KS2 transform everyday school life into comedy. Whether it’s teachers who dress like models, win the lottery, or secretly live like superheroes at home, these poems bring laughter, creativity, and performance energy into the classroom.
🎤 Bring the fun into your school with a Poetry Day!
For over 25 years, I’ve been performing and teaching poetry in schools across the UK. A Poetry Day includes:
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A high-energy performance assembly 🎤
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Fun workshops where pupils write their own funny verses ✍️
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Class performances that build teamwork and confidence 🌟
📅 You can book me for:
-
In-person Poetry Days (UK-wide)
-
Online Poetry Workshops (flexible and affordable)
👉 Funny school poems are always a highlight. Book your Poetry Day now to give your pupils an unforgettable day of laughter, imagination, and creativity.
➡ Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
