Funny Teacher Poems KS2 🍎 | Hilarious Classroom Characters & Performance Ideas
Every school has them — the unforgettable teachers who make you laugh, roll your eyes, or write a poem!
From booming voices to bizarre habits, these larger-than-life classroom legends are perfect inspiration for creative writing.
Writing Funny Teacher Poems KS2 helps children find their comic voice, exaggerate reality, and build performance confidence — all while learning rhythm, rhyme and characterisation.
Through funny teacher poems, pupils can:
🌟 Explore exaggeration and voice
🎭 Develop rhythm and rhyme awareness
📝 Write vividly about real school life
🎤 Perform with tone, expression and humour
👉 In my Poetry Days across the UK, I often perform funny poems about school life — the teachers, the routines, and the classroom chaos!
I visit over 100 schools every year, inspiring children and teachers to see poetry as fun, physical and creative.
📅 You can book me for:
In-person Poetry Days across the UK
Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
💡 Why Write Funny Teacher Poems?
Children love laughing at school life — and poetry gives them a way to do it safely and creatively.
By poking gentle fun at familiar figures, pupils develop empathy, voice, and rhythm while learning that poetry doesn’t always have to be serious.
🔗 Related: Funny School Poems KS2 | Performance Poetry KS2 | Poems About School Rules KS2
🪥 Poem 1: Mr MacBeth – the Teacher with Bad Breathe
by Ian Bland
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a lovely teacher…
Dresses well
Marks his books
Comes on time
Kind to us…
But now and then it comes to mind
He’s got a breath
Like a cat’s behind…
Don’t want to moan, he’s a fabulous teacher…
Tidy classroom
Very clean
Immaculate haircut
Never mean
But after a while it’s hard to ignore
He’s got the breath
Of a wild boar…
I wouldn’t change him for the world – a wonderful teacher…
Great with parents
Homework light
Does his lesson plans
Every night
But there’s one thing I have to explain
He’s got the breathe
Of a toilet drain…
The best teacher I ever had…
End of year present? A barrage of hints…
What did we buy him?
A packet of mints!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1. Exploring Exaggeration
Discuss what makes Mr MacBeth funny — the gentle exaggeration of a real flaw! Pupils list harmless quirks of their own teachers (“drops pens,” “mixes up names,” “wears silly ties”) and then blow them out of proportion in a poem.
2. Sensory Language Challenge
Mr MacBeth’s breath is described through humour and metaphor (“cat’s behind,” “wild boar,” “toilet drain”). Ask pupils to describe a smell, sound or sight using similes and exaggeration.
3. Performance Task: ‘Minty Fresh!’
Children act out a reading using exaggerated sniffing, fanning, and holding their noses. Discuss tone — is it mocking or affectionate?
4. Health PSHE Link
Link to hygiene or self-care — why it’s okay to laugh but not to be unkind. Discuss intent vs impact in humour.
👠 Poem 2: Miss Cruise – the Teacher with a Thousand Pairs of Shoes
by Ian Bland
Whatever the style, whatever the price,
She never wears the same pair twice.
Sunny, snowing, foggy or wet,
We never quite know what we’re going to get.
Bright green crocs? Six-inch heels?
Those trainers with the built-in wheels???
How does she find the time to choose?
This teacher with a thousand pairs of shoes!
Whatever style on that day suits,
She might turn up in cowboy boots,
Flowery flip-flops, comfy flats,
Black and white tap-dancing spats.
Moccasins, slippers, clogs or sneakers,
Espadrilles with fancy features –
How does she find the time to choose?
This teacher with a thousand pairs of shoes!
Winklepickers if she’s feeling flash,
Plain Mary Janes when short of cash,
Slingbacks finely stitched with jewels,
The most expensive pair of mules.
Galoshes, clogs and sporty cleats –
Endless fashion for her feet!
How does she find the time to choose?
This teacher with a thousand pairs of shoes!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1. Alliteration & Adjectives Workshop
Ask pupils to list all the types of shoes in the poem, then come up with alliterative or adjective-rich alternatives: “sparkly slippers,” “glittery galoshes,” “mucky moccasins.”
2. Repetition & Rhythm
Highlight the refrain “How does she find the time to choose?” and discuss how repetition builds rhythm. Pupils invent new refrains for other collections — e.g., “This teacher with a thousand cups of tea!”
3. Art & Design Link: Fashion Sketches
Pupils design Miss Cruise’s next pair of shoes on paper or in collage. Add labels with poetic phrases describing texture and colour.
4. Maths Cross-Curricular Link
If she wears a different pair every day, how long before she repeats? Estimate how many pairs she’d own after 10 years!
5. Writing Extension
Write “Miss Cruise’s Diary” — a short humorous entry about choosing shoes for different weather or subjects (“PE day disaster in high heels”).
📢 Poem 3: Mrs Kirkup – that Teacher that Never Shuts Up…
by Ian Bland
Comeinshutthedoorputyourbagsdownonthefloor
Don’ttalkdon’tspeakcutthechattercutthecheek
Pensoutheadsdowndonotmutterdonotfrown
ListenupandlistengoodIwantsweatandIwantblood
Neverstopnevershirkfinishtasksanddoyourwork
Nofunnotinhereonlythreatsandconstantfear
BecarefulwhatyousayIkeepontalkingeveryday
Everylessoneveryhourhearmyvoiceandfeelmypower
Let’sbehonestlet’sbeclearIdon’tlistenIdon’thear
Onlyscreamandsometimesbarkonanontillitgetsdark
Lovethesoundofmyownvoicepityyoudon’thaveachoice
Wanttostopme? Wanttospeak?
YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1. Punctuation Detective
Ask pupils to rewrite the poem with punctuation and spacing. Discuss how line breaks change pace, rhythm, and breath control.
2. Performance Challenge: The Breathless Monologue
Challenge groups to perform it without taking a breath until the end of each verse — they’ll soon feel Mrs Kirkup’s chaos!
3. Soundscape Drama
Create a classroom “noise map” — overlapping voices, tapping, bell sounds — then perform the poem with those background effects.
4. PSHE Connection: Stress & Calm
Discuss how teachers sometimes sound frazzled! Link to mindfulness or managing frustration.
5. Writing Extension
Write a partner poem: “The Class Who Never Shuts Up!” told from Mrs Kirkup’s perspective.
🔗 Related: Dialogue Poems KS2 | Performance Poetry KS2
🧠 Teacher Pedagogy Notes
Curriculum Links:
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English: rhyme, rhythm, characterisation, exaggeration, oral performance.
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PSHE: empathy, kindness, reflection on relationships.
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Art & Design: illustration, display work.
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Drama: tone, body language, and group performance.
Differentiation:
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Support: describe a teacher using five exaggerated adjectives and a rhyming couplet.
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Challenge: write a narrative poem from a teacher’s point of view.
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Extension: compile a humorous anthology “Our Teachers Are Bonkers!” for the end of term.
Engagement Tip:
Use these poems in assemblies or school newsletters — they’re light-hearted, memorable and always spark discussion about the funny side of school life.
🌟 Final Thoughts
Writing Funny Teacher Poems KS2 is a wonderful way for pupils to blend creativity, empathy and laughter.
It encourages them to notice detail, play with exaggeration, and celebrate the personalities that make school life unforgettable.
📚 Every classroom has its characters — and they all deserve a verse or two!
📣 Bring Poetry to Life in Your School!
Book a Poetry Day or Online Poetry Workshop and let me help your pupils bring their funniest teachers to life through rhythm, rhyme and laughter.
👉 Find out more about my Poetry Days »
👉 Book an Online Workshop »
