Poems About School Rules KS2 📏 | Funny Classroom Behaviour Poems for Primary
Rules, routines, and the teachers who enforce them are part of every school day — and they make brilliant material for poetry!
Writing Poems About School Rules KS2 helps children explore humour, personality and voice while learning that poetry doesn’t have to be serious to be meaningful.
Through school rule poems, pupils can:
🌟 Build descriptive and performance skills
🎭 Experiment with voice, rhythm and exaggeration
📝 Reflect on school life with humour and empathy
🎨 Create entertaining display work about behaviour and routines
👉 In my Poetry Days in primary schools across the UK I work hard to get the children excited about writing and performing their own poems. I visit over 100 schools every year and I’d love to work with your children and teachers.
📅 You can book me for:
-
In-person Poetry Days across the UK
-
Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
💡 Why Write Poems About School Rules?
Poems about school life give children a safe way to laugh at authority, routines and their own habits.
They fit perfectly into back-to-school topics, PSHE lessons, and English units on character and performance.
🔗 Related: Funny School Poems KS2 | Performance Poetry KS2 | Playground Poems KS2
🐶 Poem Example 1: Mr Hogg – the teacher that loves dogs (Room K9)
by Ian Bland
He’s a strange looking teacher Mr Hogg
He’s got a massive forehead, pointy ears, high cheek bones
Beady eyes, full mouth but a
Miniature schnauzer
When he wants the attention of the class he whines or paws you
Too hot in the classroom? He starts to pant!
He uses a Pointer for the whiteboard but it keeps running off
I was shocked at first when he had a wee on a table leg
But I’m used to it now
If you get a question right in maths
He wags his bum – really!
He makes us fetch sticks in PE, he calls playtime ‘walkies!’
Geography is mostly focused on Chihuahuas in Mexico and Pekingese in China
Lunch time for him is ‘chow chow’ time
We celebrate St Bernard’s Day every year at our school without fail (when it’s snowing)
I’m totally sick of his jokes about using a pencil Sharpei-ner
In art we don’t do much painting but a lot of Labradoodling
I wouldn’t be surprised if he loved dogs more than his twin boys
Jack and Russell
Favourite car? A Rover. Favourite chocolate? Maltese-ers / Yorkie
It goes without saying our teacher Mr Hogg – loves dogs.
💡 Activity Ideas
1. Character Comedy Writing 🐾
Ask pupils to create their own classroom caricatures — teachers who act like animals, robots, or royalty!
2. Wordplay Workshop
Explore puns (“Sharpei-ner,” “Labradoodling”) and challenge pupils to invent their own.
3. Performance Task
Add barking, tail-wagging or panting sound effects — the more exaggerated, the better!
🔗 Related: Personification Poems KS2
📦 Poem Example 2: Miss McDuff – the teacher that confiscates your stuff…
by Ian Bland
took my stickers took my phone
took my X-Box from my home
took my book took my pens
took all the rubbers from my friends
took my socks and took my shoes
took my paper took my glue
took my mum and took my dad
took my brand new PE bag
took my chin and took my nose
took my glasses took my clothes
took my dog and took my cat
took my gloves and took my hat
took my grandad took my gran
took the next door’s caravan
took my belly took my hips
took my pizza took my chips
took my sausage took my roll
took my heart and took my soul
took my desk took my chair
took my eyebrows took my hair
took my fork and took my knife
took my breath and took my LIFE!
💡 Activity Ideas
1. Rhyme & Repetition Game
Use repetition to build rhythm and exaggeration. Pupils can invent “confiscation poems” about over-strict teachers.
2. Drama Extension
Perform as a rap or chant. Group voices make it hilarious.
3. PSHE Link
Discuss fairness, rules, and consequences – how should teachers deal with behaviour?
🔗 Related: List Poems KS2
💰 Poem Example 3: Mr Slattery – the teacher who won the lottery…
by Ian Bland
Pink gin, toothy grin, thrown his diary in the bin
Mr Slattery’s LOTTERY WIN!
Gold plate, came in late, walking tall and lost some weight
Mr Slattery’s LOOKING GREAT!
New suit, lots of loot, got a new wife that’s very cute
Mr Slattery’s COCK A HOOP!
Smart guy, hair dyed, lots of stuff that he can buy
Mr Slattery’s FLYING HIGH!
Teeth white, up all night, booked first class on every flight
Mr Slattery’s FUTURE’S BRIGHT!
Coiffed hair, funky flare, primary school’s new millionaire
Mr Slattery DOESN’T CARE!
Cloud nine, holiday time, case upon case of fancy wine
Mr Slattery’s JUST RESIGNED!
💡 Activity Ideas
1. Rhythm & Rhyme Workshop
Clap or beatbox along to emphasise the punchy rhymes and repeated refrain.
2. Creative Extension
Have pupils imagine their own lucky teacher — what happens when they win the lottery, become famous, or go viral?
3. Financial Literacy Link
Tie into maths or PSHE: discuss money, responsibility, and values.
🔗 Related: Performance Poetry KS2
✨ Poem Example 4: Mrs DeWitter – the teacher who had a breakdown because of glitter…
by Ian Bland
It was a while before she came round but when she did she wasn’t making much sense.
Our headteacher, Mr Banks, managed to get her onto a chair and tried to talk to her.
‘Mrs DeWitter do you remember what happened before you fainted?’ he gasped.
‘They used too much…’ she mumbled barely awake.
‘Too much what?’ pleaded Mr Banks.
‘It’s expensive you know…’
‘What’s expensive?’
‘It doesn’t grow on trees – I told them all, ALL of them!’
‘What doesn’t grow on trees?’ yelped Mr Banks as our teacher passed in and out of consciousness.
‘None left in stockroom – only black – and who wants black?’ she pined.
And as the ambulance crew wheeled her, still rambling, out of the classroom we noticed the empty plastic tube tightly gripped in her left hand.
‘You’ll all be sorry, it’s all gone!’ we heard her shout from the hall – ‘all of it… there’s none left only black… only black… and who wants black?’
We never saw Mrs DeWitter ever again.
💡 Activity Ideas
1. Narrative Poetry Task
Explore poems that tell a story – beginning, middle, and end. Pupils can create their own short “disaster at school” narrative poems.
2. Drama Re-enactment
Turn this poem into a mini play – roles for Mrs DeWitter, Mr Banks, pupils, and the paramedics!
3. Art Extension
Design “Glitter Warning” posters or safety rules for the art cupboard.
🔗 Related: Narrative Poems KS2
🧠 Teacher Pedagogy Notes
Curriculum Links:
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English: rhyme, rhythm, humour, narrative poetry, performance
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PSHE: rules, behaviour, responsibility, empathy
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Art & Design: poster work and illustration
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Speaking & Listening: performance and choral reading
Differentiation:
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Support: simple rhyming couplets about a classroom rule.
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Challenge: write extended narrative poems with dialogue.
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Extension: create a class anthology called School Rules!
Engagement Tip:
Use these for back-to-school weeks, class assemblies, or displays about expectations and teamwork. They make behaviour discussions fun and memorable.
🌟 Final Thoughts
Writing Poems About School Rules KS2 helps children explore humour, responsibility and imagination all at once.
They’re funny, creative and perfect for performance — reminding everyone that rules aren’t just about discipline, they’re about community.
📏 From barking teachers to glitter explosions, there’s never a dull day in a primary school poem!
👉 In my Poetry Days in primary schools across the UK I work hard to get the children excited about writing and performing their own poems. I visit over 100 schools every year and I’d love to work with your children and teachers.
📅 You can book me for:
-
In-person Poetry Days across the UK
-
Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
