🏫 School Poems KS2: Funny, Relatable & Performance Ideas ✍️
🌟 Why Try School Poems in KS2?
School poems are among the most popular types of poetry for KS1 and KS2 pupils — and it’s easy to see why.
Children love them because:
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They’re about a world they know so well — teachers, classrooms, playtimes, assemblies.
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They allow them to laugh at everyday routines and rules in a safe, creative way.
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They give permission to be silly, cheeky, and imaginative with something familiar.
Teachers love them because:
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School poems are instantly relatable. There’s no barrier to understanding — every child can join in.
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They can be used as performance pieces, writing models, or simply enjoyed together as a class.
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They connect literacy with real life, making poetry accessible and enjoyable.
👉 In my Poetry Days, school poems always get the biggest laughs and the loudest performances. I perform poems like The Kung Fu Teachers or The Teachers Are Asleep in assembly, then work with classes to create their own hilarious verses about staffrooms, classrooms, and playgrounds. These workshops aren’t just about writing — they build confidence, teamwork, and a love of language.
📅 You can book me for:
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In-person Poetry Days across the UK
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Online Poetry Workshops (perfect for budget or flexible timetabling)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
📝 Example School Poems for KS2
1. She’s A Cowboy Teacher – Yeehaaa! 🤠
Doesn’t own a car comes by horse
A rodeo in the staffroom of course
Deadly with a stapler serious and mean
Quickest register you’ve ever seen!
Calls the headteacher Sheriff loves to slap her thigh
A dangerous look deep in her eyes
Finds a fault in everything you do
Favourite board game? Buckeroo!
She’s a singin’ and a’strummin on her Guitar.
She’s A Cowboy Teacher – Yeehaaa!
Likes to stare and likes to drawl
Drivin’ cattle in the school hall
Mosyin on the playground boots all clinkin’
From her canteen she’s a coffee drinkin’
Lasooing the children dreaming of the prairies
Shootin’ holes in the dictionaries
Fast as lightnin’ quick on the draw
Lights a campfire on the corridor
She’s a singin’ and a’strummin on her Guitar.
She’s A Cowboy Teacher – Yeehaaa!
Born in the wilderness people say
Can hear the head comin’ from a mile away
Doesn’t say hello she says Howdy!
Ruthless when the kids get rowdy
Learned all her skills in the Wild Wild West
Tamin’ a stallion brings out her best
A dangerous teacher the children said
Job that she’s desperate for: Deputy Head!
Singing and a’strummin on her Guitar.
She’s A Cowboy Teacher – Yeehaaa!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils brainstorm “What if my teacher was a…?” (cowboy, astronaut, wizard, rock star). Each group writes verses exaggerating the teacher’s behaviour in that role, and then add a chorus line for performance. Perform with props, sound effects, and actions.
2. Some Teachers! 👩🏫👨🏫
Some give crosses some give ticks; some are kinder some are strict,
Some are happy some are sad; some take it easy some get mad,
Some have favourites some like all; some are short and some are tall,
Some read stories some read plays; some do things quickly some take days,
Some drink wine and some drink beer; some drink tequila some steer clear,
Some have children some have pets; some are rich and some have debts,
Some have patience some get riled; some go crazy some go wild,
Some can throw and some can catch; they sometimes bite and sometimes scratch,
Some can yodel some can sing; some can do the strangest things,
Some are strong and some are weak; some speak French and some speak Greek,
Some have accents some have twangs; some are vampires some have fangs,
Some are friendly some I dread, some wish they could be the head,
They sometimes grimace sometimes grin; sometimes put children in the bin,
Some have manners some have grace; some walk round like they own the place,
Some are generous some are cheap, some come to class and fall asleep,
Some work hard and some just nap
I think they all deserve a clap!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils write their own “Some Children” or “Some Parents” poems using the same rhythm and opposites. Works brilliantly as a performance poem, with lines divided between small groups.
3. The Teachers Are Asleep! 😴
Shush!
The teachers are asleep
They’re dreaming of the holidays
They’re gonna get next week
They’re dreaming about children
Who’ll do as they are told
They’re dreaming of the pensions
That they’ll get when they are old!
Shush!
The teachers are asleep!
They’re dreaming of a quiet class
That hardly ever speak
They’re dreaming of promotion
While they’re lying in their bed
They’re thinking up a lot of things
To do when they are head!
Shush!
The teachers start to snore
We won’t have to listen to their lessons anymore
We can throw our pencils
We can run around and chase
We can creep up to our teachers
Make a silly funny face!
Shush!
The teachers are asleep
These people are so tired
It could last until next week
They’re tossing and they’re turning
And they’re playing with their hair
There’s dribble dripping from their chin
They’re falling off their chair!
Shush!
The teachers start to wake
Their eyelids start to flicker
And their hands begin to shake
They’re looking out for trouble
Their face is going red
They’re looking for somebody they can
Send off to the head!
💡 Activity idea: Perform this as a two-voice poem: one side of the class whispers “Shush!” while the other side reads the verses. Add sound effects (snoring, yawning, dribbling, stomping) for humour. Extension: pupils write a parody — “Shush! The children are asleep…”
4. The Kung Fu Teachers 🥋
Normally they’re quiet normally they’re calm
Normally they do their work and don’t do any harm
But the moment that you’re naughty and the moment that you laugh
You’ll see them turn quickly into
THE KUNG FU TEACHING STAFF!
They’ll Kung Fu kick their laptops
And Kung Fu snap their pen
They’ll Kung Fu kick the whiteboards
So you won’t be daft again
They’ll Kung Fu chop the carpet
And they’ll Kung Fu stamp the floor
They’ll Kung Fu jump into the air
And Kung Fu smash the door!
Then as quickly as they started and they’ve scared you all to death
You’ll see the teachers meditate and take a big deep breath
But if they see you grinning and that should turn into a laugh
Once more you’ll see the mad return of:
THE KUNG FU TEACHING STAFF!
They’ll Kung Fu stroke their beards
And take the Kung Fu Stance
They’ll Kung Fu all their hair back
And do a kind of Kung Fu dance
They’ll Kung Fu raise their arms up
And do this all day long
They’ll Kung Fu stand on benches
And sing the Kung Fu song!
And when you think they’re finished and their mental health’s returning
You’ll see those teachers sit right down and get on with their learning
But please don’t try to rile them and please don’t make them sulk
Please don’t make them turn into a teaching INCREDIBLE HULK!
Because they’ll Kung Fu pick their noses
And Kung Fu flick it in the air
They’ll show you all their Kung Fu claws
And growl like a Kung Fu bear
And all those Kung Fu Ladies
And all those Kung Fu men
Will make you all behave yourselves
And not be daft again!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils add actions to every line — stamping, kicking, chopping, growling. Perform as a chant or rap poem with stomps and claps for rhythm. Challenge: invent new verses (“They’ll Kung Fu smash the photocopier…”) and add them to the performance.
5. Hallowe’en Primary School 🎃
The Reception teacher’s a ghost
She scares the kids the most
And what gives you a clue
Is the way that she goes oooooohhhhhh!
Yr 1 is Frankenstein
She does this all the time
And the way that you can check
Spot the bolt that’s in her neck!
Yr 2 is an evil ghoul
She’s vicious and she’s cruel
She floats round in her room
She says this is her tomb!
Yr 3 is a goblin
She puts kids in the bin
She likes to make up spells
She also makes bad smells
Yr 4 is Dracularrr
She likes to go HA Ha!!!
She thinks that is good
When her teeth are dripping blood!
Yr 5 teacher is a zombie
She comes from Abercrombie
Her voice is just a drone
She likes to wail and moan!
A witch lives in Year 6
She does such vicious tricks
And when the head’s not looking
She gets those spells a cooking!
The deputy’s a phantom
She comes from Wolverhampton
Her fingers shoot out lightning
She’s dangerous and she’s frightening
The head is an evil force
He’s usually on a course
Just look him in the eye
And part of you will die!
And then you’ll start to cry
And nobody knows why
Have you seen his freaky tie?
He’s such a scary guy
I think he’s from Brunei
Or maybe that’s Shanghai
Now it’s time to say goodbye!
💡 Activity idea: Pupils create a spooky version of their own school with each class teacher turned into a monster. They can illustrate their verses for a class poetry display, or perform them in assembly with sound effects and costumes.
👩🏫 Teacher Notes
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Curriculum links: English (poetic forms, humour, rhyme, performance), PSHE (school community, empathy), Drama (performance).
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Differentiation: Sentence starters or frameworks for support; extended parodies or extra verses for challenge.
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Engagement: The familiar school setting + humour guarantees laughter and participation, even from reluctant writers.
🌟 Final Thought & Call to Action
School poems KS2 are a brilliant way to connect poetry with everyday life. Whether it’s cowboys in the staffroom, kung fu teachers, or spooky headteachers, these poems bring laughter, imagination, and confidence to your classroom.
🎤 Bring school poems to life in your own school with a Poetry Day!
For over 25 years I’ve been performing and teaching poetry in primary schools. A Poetry Day includes:
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A high-energy performance assembly to inspire the whole school 🎤
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Engaging workshops tailored to each year group ✍️
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Opportunities for children to write and perform their own poems 🌟
📅 You can book me for:
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In-person Poetry Days in schools across the UK
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Online Poetry Workshops for flexible, affordable access
👉 Poetry Days are always popular — especially around World Book Day and National Poetry Day. Book your date now and give your pupils an unforgettable day of laughter and creativity.
Contact me here ➡ Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
