🎭 Funny Performance Poems for SEMH & EBD Learners | Confidence, Voice & Classroom Fun
Great for teachers looking to save time!
Young people in SEMH & EBD settings often respond incredibly well to humour, movement and performance in poetry.
Why?
Because laughter lowers barriers.
Rhythm builds regulation.
Movement releases pressure.
Performance gives belonging.
When poetry feels safe, silly and energetic, pupils who might normally refuse writing suddenly join in — and shine.
In my poetry workshops for SEMH and EBD schools, pupils laugh, act, shout, whisper, chant and perform — and in doing so, they grow:
💪 Confidence
🎤 Voice
😄 Joy
🤝 Social bonding
🧠 Focus & listening
❤️ Emotional release
I work with SEMH & EBD schools across the UK (and online), helping pupils express themselves and discover how powerful poetry can be.
📅 Book a poetry day or online session here
👉 Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
Get yourself a signed book!
💡 Why Funny Performance Poems Work
Performance poems with humour help pupils to:
✅ Burn energy positively
✅ Join in without pressure
✅ Practise rhythm & voice control
✅ Feel seen, heard and valued
✅ Access literacy through play
✅ Build self-belief & pride
Children who might struggle to sit still, concentrate, or engage in traditional literacy lessons often come alive through performance poetry.
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📚 Poem 1: Who Likes Homework? Not Me!
Who Likes Homework? Not Me!
Every weekend every night
Loads of homework it’s not right
Adding timesing take away
Do your homework’s what they say
Do it now and don’t be lazy
Homework homework makes you crazy
Come on teachers set us free
Who likes homework?NOT ME!
Can’t watch telly can’t see friends
Homework’s piling never ends
Myths and legends stories fables
Symmetry and twelve times tables
Bar charts tallies drawing graphs
Rock had problems rock hard maths
Everyone agrees with me,
Who likes homework?NOT ME!
Try to run your parents stop yer
So much homework it will shock yer
Even though you keep on trying
Homework’s growing multiplying
Have a rest they just won’t let yer
Homework homework’s gonna get yer
Sock it to me 1-2-3,
Who likes homework?NOT ME!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1️⃣ Choral Shout-Back
Teacher reads verses, class shouts NOT ME!
Encourages participation even from reluctant pupils.
2️⃣ Action Beats
Add actions to each line — stomp, clap, point, mime writing.
Great for energy release and engagement.
3️⃣ Build-A-Verse Game
Pupils complete frames:
Can’t ____
Can’t ____
Homework makes me feel like ____
Supports reluctant writers and humour.
4️⃣ Safe Expression Chat
Discuss frustrations safely:
“What school things are tricky? What helps you cope?”
Designed to validate feelings without negativity.
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🧼 Poem 2: What Did We Find In Phillip’s Tray?
What Did We Find In Phillip’s Tray?
Some chewing gum all covered in hair
The teeth and claws of a grizzly bear,
Some underpants just barely clean
The smelliest sock I’ve ever seen,
A mobile phone (the battery’s dead)
A green and mouldy piece of bread
Some Milky Way all covered in fluff
Some greeny bluey slimey stuff,
A maths book covered in stains and smears
A rusty pair of garden shears,
A bottle of bleach some cartridge inks
Some squishy stuff that frankly stinks,
Farmyard dung that’s dried rock hard
A seven year old Christmas card
A valentine written to a teacher
A ratty, mousy kind of creature
A wii fit game a PS2
A calculator covered in …glue
A severed head all dripping blood
PE shorts all covered in mud
A pack of cards a box of eggs
A Buzz Light Year without his legs
Some felt tip pens a knife and fork
A Pritt stick and a piece of chalk
Some beetles crawling on a pen
Go in there?NEVER AGAIN!!!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1️⃣ Gross-Out Acting
Pupils act out the items — pretend to smell, scream, run away.
A brilliant outlet for laughter & drama.
2️⃣ Build Your Own Gross List
Prompt:
“What weird things might you find in a school bag / desk / coat pocket?”
Short-line structure = easy entry for all.
3️⃣ Freeze-Frame Finale
End with pupils freezing in shock poses shouting NEVER AGAIN!
Great for confidence & group performance.
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👩🏫 Poem 3: Miss McDuff — the teacher that confiscates your stuff…
Miss McDuff — the teacher that confiscates your stuff…
took my stickers took my phone took my X-Box from my
home took my book took my pens took all the rubbers from
my friends took my socks and took my shoes took my paper
took my glue took my mum and took my dad took my brand
new PE bag took my chin and took my nose took my glasses
took my clothes took my dog and took my cat took my gloves
and took my hat took my grandad took my gran took the
next door’s caravan took my belly took my hips took my
pizza took my chips took my sausage took my roll took my
heart and took my soul took my desk took my chair took my
eyebrows took my hair took my fork and took my knife took my
breathe and took myLIFE!
💡 Classroom Activity Ideas
1️⃣ Build the Rhythm
Read with steady beat — clap / stomp / tap.
2️⃣ Group Echo Lines
Teacher says a line → class copies.
Reduces performance fear.
3️⃣ “Silly Confiscations” List Writing
Pupils invent what Miss McDuff would take from THEM:
Took my PS5
Took my hamster
Took my last chocolate biscuit
Fun, safe rebellion = emotional release.
4️⃣ Voice Play
Whisper the list, then shout the final line with dramatic collapse.
Supports controlled emotion through performance.
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🌈 Final Thought
SEMH/EBD pupils don’t need easier lessons —
they need bigger opportunities to shine.
Funny performance poetry gives them:
✅ Voice
✅ Power
✅ Joy
✅ Success
✅ Belonging
And sometimes, one moment on stage can change everything.
🎤 Bring Poetry to Life in Your SEMH/EBD School
I deliver high-energy, inclusive and confidence-boosting poetry days in SEMH & EBD schools across the UK — and online too.
Let’s help your pupils feel powerful, proud and heard.
👉 Book an SEMH poetry workshop
👉 Online options available
