🧑🏫 My Teacher Poems KS2 | Funny & Performance Poetry for the Classroom
Children love writing and performing poems about their teachers! Whether it’s a funny exaggeration, a spooky character, or a classroom hero, My Teacher Poems KS2 is a theme that always gets pupils laughing and writing.
Through My Teacher Poems KS2, pupils can:
🎤 Perform lively, funny poems full of rhythm and rhyme
📝 Write about real or imaginary teachers using exaggeration
🎭 Build confidence through drama, actions and voices
📚 Link poetry to English, PSHE and Oracy objectives
👉 In my Poetry Days in primary schools across the UK I work hard to get the children excited about writing and performing their own poems. I visit over 100 schools every year and I’d love to work with your children and teachers.
📅 You can book me for:
-
In-person Poetry Days across the UK
-
Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
🧛♀️ 1. Spooky Teacher! (Performance Poem)
When I perform Spooky Teacher! in schools, it’s a call-and-response poem — I read one line, and the children shout “Spooky Teacher!” after each one. It’s a great way to get every pupil involved in rhythm, timing and confidence.
Spooky Teacher!
Lots to say
Bad hair day
Thinks she’s cute
Dodgy suit
Just appears
Loves your tears
Staring eyes
Spots your lies
Silent stare
Worst nightmare
Got no friends
Round the bend
On her phone
Likes to moan
Always late
Looks a state
Room’s a mess
Loves to test
Loves red ink
On the brink
Checks your tray
Spoils your day
Hands on hips
Lemon lips
Kept our ball
Wears a shawl
No reprieve
WISH SHE’D LEAVE!!
🔗 Related: Spooky Teacher Writing Framework
💡 Activity ideas:
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Perform this poem as a call-and-response piece. Split the class into halves — one reads the main lines, the other shouts “Spooky Teacher!”.
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Pupils can create their own version: Sporty Teacher, Grumpy Teacher, Sleepy Teacher!
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Literacy focus: using rhythm, rhyme and repetition for effect.
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Drama link: explore facial expressions and gestures to build character.
🔗 Related: Performance Poetry KS2 | Funny Poems KS2
🥋 2. Mr Ginger – The Teacher Who Is a Kung Fu Ninja!
This poem is full of action and energy. It’s perfect for performance work and learning how to use repetition and onomatopoeia in poetry.
Mr Ginger – The Teacher Who Is a Kung Fu Ninja!
Normally he’s quiet, normally he’s calm,
Normally he’ll do his work and won’t do any harm.
But the moment that you’re naughty and the moment that you smirk,
You’ll see him very quickly go
KUNG FU TEACHING BERSERK!
He’ll Kung fu kick his laptop,
And Kung Fu snap his pen,
He’ll kung fu kick the whiteboard,
So you won’t be daft again.
He’ll kung fu chop the carpet,
And then kung fu stamp the floor,
He’ll kung fu jump into the air,
And kung fu smash the door!
Then as quickly as he’s started and scared you all to death,
You’ll see this teacher meditate and take a big deep breath.
But if he sees you sneering, if he sees you looking smug,
Mr Ginger will turn into
A KUNG FU TEACHING THUG!
He’ll Kung Fu stroke his beard
And take the Kung Fu stance,
He’ll Kung Fu all his hair back
And do a Kung Fu dance.
He’ll kung fu raise his arms up
And do this all day long,
He’ll kung fu stand on benches
And sing the Kung Fu song!
And when you think he’s finished and his sanity’s returning,
You’ll see this teacher sit right down and get on with his learning.
But please don’t make him angry or ever make him sulk,
Please don’t make him turn into a teaching INCREDIBLE HULK!
Because… he’ll Kung Fu pick his nose,
And Kung Fu flick it in the air,
He’ll show you all his Kung Fu claws,
And growl like a Kung Fu bear.
And all you Kung Fu ladies,
And all you Kung Fu men,
Will have to behave yourselves —
And not be daft again!
💡 Activity ideas:
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Perform this with actions, stomps and claps to match the rhythm.
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Write your own super-powered teacher poem — “The Disco Teacher”, “The Detective Teacher”, etc.
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Literacy focus: repetition, rhyme, and hyperbole (exaggeration).
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PSHE link: self-control, emotions and behaviour.
🔗 Related: Superhero Poems KS2 | Funny School Poems KS2
🤠 3. Ms Conroy – The Teacher That’s a Part-Time Cowboy!
This is a great poem for storytelling and characterisation. It’s funny, musical and full of rhythm — perfect for assembly performance!
Ms Conroy – The Teacher That’s a Part-Time Cowboy!
Doesn’t own a car — she comes by horse,
A rodeo in the staffroom of course!
Deadly with a stapler, serious and mean,
Quickest register you’ve ever seen!
Calls the headteacher “Sheriff”, loves to slap her thigh,
A dangerous look deep in her eye.
Finds a fault in everything you do…
Favourite board game? “Buckaroo!”
She’s a singin’ and a strummin’ on her guitar.
She’s a cowboy teacher — Yeehaaa!
She likes to stare and likes to drawl,
Drivin’ cattle in the school hall,
Mosyin’ on the playground, boots all clinkin’,
From her canteen she’s a coffee drinkin’.
Lassoing the children, dreamin’ of the prairies,
Shootin’ holes in the dictionaries!
Fast as lightnin’, quick on the draw,
Lights a campfire on the corridor.
She’s a singin’ and a strummin’ on her guitar.
She’s a cowboy teacher — Yeehaaa!
Born in the wilderness, people say,
Can hear the head comin’ from a mile away.
Doesn’t say hello — she says “Howdy!”
Ruthless when the kids get rowdy!
Learned all her skills in the wild wild west,
Tamin’ a stallion brings out her best.
A dangerous teacher, the children said,
Job that she’s desperate for: deputy head!
She’s a singin’ and a strummin’ on her guitar.
She’s a cowboy teacher — Yeehaaa!
💡 Activity ideas:
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Use this to explore character voices and rhythm.
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Pupils can invent their own “teacher character” poems — pirate, pop star, astronaut!
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Drama link: add props (hat, guitar, lasso) for performances.
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Literacy focus: rhyme, repetition and exaggeration.
🔗 Related: Character Poems KS2 | Performance Poetry KS2
😈 4. Mrs Mack – The Teacher That’s Going to Get Sacked!
This poem has a catchy chorus and strong rhythm — ideal for performance poetry.
Mrs Mack – The Teacher That’s Going to Get Sacked!
Marks her books? Just once a year.
Discipline? Rules through fear.
Swears in class? Every day.
Alcohol? A lot I’d say…
Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack — YOU’RE GOING TO GET SACKED!
Comes on time? Always late.
Fashion sense? A total state.
Lesson plans? Never seen.
Attitude? Completely mean.
Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack — YOU’RE GOING TO GET SACKED!
Relationships? Ostracised.
Teaching record? Classified.
IT skills? Waste of time.
Previous job? A life of crime.
Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack — YOU’RE GOING TO GET SACKED!
Personal hygiene? Got B.O.
Achieves her targets? Definite no.
Sickness? Off every week.
Future prospects? Fairly bleak.
Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack, Mrs Mack — YOU’RE GOING TO GET SACKED!
🔗 Related: Mrs Mack Writing Framework
💡 Activity ideas:
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Teach pupils to perform this in chorus, shouting the repeated line together.
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Write “classroom complaint” poems about imaginary teachers.
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Literacy focus: rhyme, rhythm and repetition.
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PSHE link: exploring kindness and empathy through parody.
🔗 Related: Funny Poems KS2 | School Poems KS2
🧟♂️ 5. Dreadteacher
A darker, dramatic poem about authority and fear — brilliant for exploring tone and atmosphere in performance poetry.
Dreadteacher
I’m the one they dread to see,
I hope you don’t get sent to me.
My office door is always locked,
The route to me is strictly blocked.
I have a name that sounds of fear,
In my domain you’ll disappear.
To assemblies I sometimes come,
Let’s face facts: I’m not much fun.
My room they sometimes call a vault,
I wander round just finding fault.
A frown and stare that’s hard to measure,
I’ll call your parents in with pleasure.
I’m sometimes here, I’m sometimes not,
You won’t believe the power I’ve got.
You’ll know when I come in your room,
A shout that fills your heart with doom.
If SATS results don’t turn out good,
I’ll break your bones and drink your blood.
When teachers sigh and just can’t cope,
Get sent to me —
ABANDON HOPE!
💡 Activity ideas:
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Compare this with Spooky Teacher! — both create tension through rhythm and rhyme.
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Pupils can write “scary teacher” poems with dark humour.
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Literacy focus: tone, atmosphere, and dramatic delivery.
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Performance idea: use sound effects and lighting for assembly.
🔗 Related: Performance Poetry KS2 | Rhyming Poems KS2
🎉 Fun “Teacher Poem” Activities for KS2
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Teacher Character Poems: Invent imaginary teachers with unusual powers!
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Acrostic Poem: Use TEACHER as an acrostic for positive qualities.
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Performance Challenge: Split the class into groups — each performs one of the poems above.
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Art Links: Illustrate the funniest “teacher” characters for a display.
🔗 Related: Funny School Poems KS2 | Classroom Poetry KS2
👩🏫 Teacher Pedagogy Notes
Curriculum links:
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English: performance, rhyme, rhythm, tone, characterisation.
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PSHE: empathy, relationships, humour in writing.
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Drama: expression, timing and teamwork.
Differentiation:
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Support: simple rhyme frames and chorus repetition.
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Challenge: extended parodies or new character poems.
Engagement:
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These poems get instant laughter and participation — ideal for building confidence and oracy.
🌟 Final Thoughts
My Teacher Poems KS2 are fun, relatable and perfect for classroom writing. Whether your pupils are laughing at Mr Ginger, performing Spooky Teacher, or inventing their own crazy classroom characters, they’ll be practising rhythm, rhyme and creative writing in a way they’ll remember.
👉 In my Poetry Days in primary schools across the UK I work hard to get the children excited about writing and performing their own poems. I visit over 100 schools every year and I’d love to work with your children and teachers.
📅 You can book me for:
-
In-person Poetry Days across the UK
-
Online Poetry Workshops (affordable and flexible)
➡ Secure your date here: Poets in Schools – Ian Bland
